Relationships · Gottman
Dreams Within Conflict
The dream underneath each gridlocked position
Gottman's tool for gridlocked conflicts. 69% of couples' problems are perpetual — the goal isn't to solve them, it's to find the dream underneath each person's position and honor both.
The gridlocked issue
My position (what I want to happen)
The dream underneath it — where does this come from in my history?
What honoring my dream would look like — even partially
What I could give without violating my dream
Under every gridlock is a dream
You're not arguing about the dishes. You're arguing about safety, respect, being seen. Find the dream and the fight becomes tender.