Relationships · Assertiveness

Communication Styles Worksheet

Passive · aggressive · passive-aggressive · assertive — where does each show up?

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Four styles — passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, assertive. Notice which one shows up under stress and with whom, and rewrite one recent sentence as its assertive version.

Where I go passive (with whom, when)

Where I go aggressive

Where I go passive-aggressive

Where I already do assertive

A sentence I said this week that wasn't assertive

The assertive rewrite

About this worksheet

The four-styles framework: passive (silencing self to keep the peace), aggressive (asserting at another's expense), passive-aggressive (indirect asserting via delay, sarcasm, silence, or forgetting), and assertive (asserting self while respecting other). The worksheet names where each shows up in the client's week and with whom, then takes one recent non-assertive sentence and rewrites it as its assertive version. The clinical point is not that assertiveness is universally best — passivity is sometimes safer, and aggression is occasionally called for — but that clients often use one style in every context regardless of fit. Naming which style shows up with which person is often the first time the client sees their pattern from the outside.

When to use it

Assertiveness skills training.
Couples therapy — where each partner tends to sit.
Family-of-origin work — style often maps to childhood role.
Workplace conflict.
Adjunct to DEAR MAN work.

How to use it

1
Specific relationships, not general style
'I am passive' is less useful than 'I am passive with my mother, assertive with colleagues, passive-aggressive with my partner.'
2
Assertive rewrite must feel plausible
The client should be willing to say the rewrite out loud. If not, it is too big a jump — write a smaller version.
3
Style has function
The pattern the client uses developed for a reason. Curiosity about the reason opens change faster than shame about the style.
4
One assertive sentence per week
Style change is behavioral, one sentence at a time.