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Communication Styles Worksheet

Passive · aggressive · passive-aggressive · assertive — where does each show up?

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Four styles — passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, assertive. Notice which one shows up under stress and with whom, and rewrite one recent sentence as its assertive version.

Where I go passive (with whom, when)
Where I go aggressive
Where I go passive-aggressive
Where I already do assertive
A sentence I said this week that wasn't assertive
The assertive rewrite

References & further reading

Conceptual background and further reading, not validation of this handout. Named instruments and methods belong to their original authors; custom prompts and trackers are not validated versions of those instruments.

  • Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (revised ed.). Harmony.
© 2026 TherapistAssist · For clinical use · Not a substitute for assessment
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About this worksheet

The four-styles framework: passive (silencing self to keep the peace), aggressive (asserting at another's expense), passive-aggressive (indirect asserting via delay, sarcasm, silence, or forgetting), and assertive (asserting self while respecting other). The worksheet names where each shows up in the client's week and with whom, then takes one recent non-assertive sentence and rewrites it as its assertive version. The clinical point is not that assertiveness is universally best — passivity is sometimes safer, and aggression is occasionally called for — but that clients often use one style in every context regardless of fit. Naming which style shows up with which person is often the first time the client sees their pattern from the outside.

When to use it

  • Assertiveness skills training.
  • Couples therapy — where each partner tends to sit.
  • Family-of-origin work — style often maps to childhood role.
  • Workplace conflict.
  • Adjunct to DEAR MAN work.

How to use it

  1. 1
    Specific relationships, not general style

    'I am passive' is less useful than 'I am passive with my mother, assertive with colleagues, passive-aggressive with my partner.'

  2. 2
    Assertive rewrite must feel plausible

    The client should be willing to say the rewrite out loud. If not, it is too big a jump — write a smaller version.

  3. 3
    Style has function

    The pattern the client uses developed for a reason. Curiosity about the reason opens change faster than shame about the style.

  4. 4
    One assertive sentence per week

    Style change is behavioral, one sentence at a time.

Frequently asked questions

Isn't passive-aggression always bad?+

It is usually costly. But it often developed as a survival strategy where direct assertion was unsafe. Curiosity first, correction second.

What if assertiveness makes things worse?+

That depends on the context. In some family systems and some workplaces, assertion is punished. The worksheet holds both — style and context.

Is this worksheet free?+

Yes. Free printable PDF. Sign in to send as a secure client link.

Worksheet — Communication Styles Worksheet — provided by TherapistAssist for clinical use. Not a substitute for assessment or treatment.