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CBT · Relationships

Jealousy Worksheet

Separate evidence from projection and land on a request the partner can meet

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Jealousy is usually a fear (of loss, of being replaced, of not being enough) dressed as suspicion. This sheet separates evidence from projection, names the wound the jealousy is touching, and lands on a request the partner can actually meet.

The trigger — what happened, when, and who was there
Intensity of jealousy (0–100)
none
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
most
The story I told myself about what it meant
Evidence from this actual situation (what I saw and heard)
Projection or old material (past betrayal, attachment wound, my own doubt)
The fear underneath — being replaced, not being enough, being left, being humiliated?
Behaviors the jealousy pulled for (checking, testing, withdrawing, accusing) and their cost
What I actually need from my partner (specific behavior, not 'reassurance')
What I need to give myself that no partner can supply
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About this worksheet

Jealousy is usually fear (of loss, of being replaced, of not being enough, of humiliation) wearing suspicion. Handled as suspicion, it drives checking, testing, and accusation — behaviors that push partners away and confirm the fear. Handled as fear, it becomes workable. This worksheet catches a specific trigger, rates the intensity, separates evidence from this actual situation from projection (past betrayals, attachment wounds, or the client's own doubt), names the specific fear underneath, tracks the behaviors the jealousy pulled for and their cost, and lands on two requests: one for the partner (specific behavior, not 'reassurance'), and one the client has to give themselves — because no partner can regulate the client's core fear alone.

When to use it

  • Retroactive jealousy about a partner's past relationships.
  • Insecure attachment activating around ordinary partner behavior.
  • Post-betrayal hypervigilance in relationships after affair recovery.
  • New relationships surfacing old wounds from previous ones.
  • Ethical non-monogamy structures where jealousy needs a workable frame, not elimination.

How to use it

  1. 1
    One specific trigger, not the pattern

    The whole pattern is too much to work with in a single sheet. One trigger surfaces the material; the pattern reveals itself across several sheets.

  2. 2
    Evidence vs projection

    Both columns matter. Clients usually collapse into one — either all their fault or all the partner's fault. The split is the intervention.

  3. 3
    Fear underneath, not story on top

    The story is 'they're texting someone'. The fear is 'I'm being replaced'. Different responses.

  4. 4
    Two requests, not one

    One the partner can meet with specific behavior; one only the client can give themselves. Skipping the second one loads the whole regulation onto the partner and eventually fails.

Frequently asked questions

Isn't jealousy sometimes an accurate read?+

Yes — the evidence column is where an accurate read shows up. When the pattern is real, the worksheet becomes a boundaries / decision conversation rather than a regulation one.

How is this different from an attachment worksheet?+

Attachment worksheets map the pattern historically. This one works a single episode in real time. Pair them: attachment for context, jealousy sheet for a specific event.

Is this for individual or couples work?+

Individual by default. In couples work, both partners can fill it in about their own jealousy — one worksheet each, not a shared one.

Is this worksheet free?+

Yes. Free printable PDF. Sign in to TherapistAssist to send as a secure client link.

Worksheet — Jealousy Worksheet — provided by TherapistAssist for clinical use. Not a substitute for assessment or treatment.