Relationships · Attunement

Love Languages Worksheet

The five currencies of care — yours, theirs, and where they don't overlap

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The five love languages (Chapman) — words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch. Not personality types; the currencies of care each of you prefers. Rank yours, then your partner's, then compare.

My top two — how I most feel loved

My partner's top two — as best I can tell (ask, don't guess)

Where the two lists don't overlap — the gap most likely to cause 'you don't care' fights

One deposit I will make in my partner's top language this week

One deposit I want to ask for, in my top language

About this worksheet

Gary Chapman's five love languages — words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch — treated not as personality types but as currencies of care each partner prefers. The worksheet asks each partner to rank their own top two, then rank the other's top two (the second ranking is asked, not guessed), and identify the gap most likely to fuel 'you don't care' fights. The clinical value is not in the taxonomy itself. It is in the gap column: most couples argue about care volume when they actually disagree about care currency. Ends with one specific deposit the client will make in the partner's top language this week, and one deposit they will ask for in their own top language.

When to use it

Couples therapy and pre-marital work.
Long-term relationship maintenance.
Post-affair rebuilding — care rituals to rebuild trust.
Any relationship where both people report giving 'a lot' and receiving 'nothing'.

How to use it

1
Ask, don't guess, the partner's ranking
The step most couples skip is the one that matters most. The guessed ranking is usually the client's own top language, not the partner's.
2
The gap column is the point
Overlap in top languages predicts less conflict. Non-overlap predicts recurring 'you don't care' fights — knowing the gap defuses them.
3
Specific deposits, not general
'I'll do acts of service' is not a deposit. 'I'll take the trash out without being asked' is.
4
Asking is a deposit too
Asking for a deposit in one's own top language, out loud, is often the deeper practice — especially for clients who learned needs were shameful.

Frequently asked questions

Is the five-languages framework research-supported?+

The framework is popular and clinically useful; formal validation is mixed. It works because it makes care currencies discussable, not because the taxonomy is definitive.

What if one partner refuses to identify a top language?+

That refusal is itself information — often about vulnerability or historical un-met need. Explore the refusal before pushing to complete the sheet.

Is this worksheet free?+

Yes. Free printable PDF. Sign in to send as a secure client link.

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Worksheet — Love Languages Worksheet — provided by TherapistAssist for clinical use. Not a substitute for assessment or treatment.