Relationships · Attunement

Emotional Needs Worksheet

Legitimate, universal, specific — name them, don't earn them

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Emotional needs are legitimate, universal, and specific. Naming them is not neediness — it is precision. This worksheet identifies which needs are met, which are starved, and one request you will make out loud this week.

Feeling seenmet · partial · starved

Feeling heardmet · partial · starved

Physical affectionmet · partial · starved

Attention and timemet · partial · starved

Appreciationmet · partial · starved

Sexual connectionmet · partial · starved

Emotional safetymet · partial · starved

Trustmet · partial · starved

Respectmet · partial · starved

Autonomymet · partial · starved

Support in hard thingsmet · partial · starved

Play and funmet · partial · starved

The one that is most starved right now

Where in my history that need went unmet — so I know why it lands hard

The specific request I will make this week — who, when, what I'll say

About this worksheet

Emotional needs are legitimate, universal, and specific — not neediness, not weakness, and not something to be earned. The worksheet lists twelve common emotional needs (feeling seen, feeling heard, physical affection, attention and time, appreciation, sexual connection, emotional safety, trust, respect, autonomy, support in hard things, play and fun) and asks the client to mark each as met, partial, or starved in their current key relationship. It then names the need most starved right now, traces where in the client's history that need went unmet (so its current weight is understood — not to blame the partner for the whole history), and drafts the specific request the client will make this week (who, when, what they'll say). Naming needs is not neediness. It is precision, and precision is what allows a request to land.

When to use it

Couples therapy — often the first mapping session.
Attachment-focused therapy.
Family-of-origin repair work.
Adult children of emotionally immature parents.
Self-esteem work — for clients who learned needs were shameful.

How to use it

1
Met / partial / starved — no zero
Most needs are met partially; the categorization surfaces which are starved without collapsing into all-or-nothing.
2
History context, not blame
The historical column explains why the current starvation lands so hard — not to shift responsibility onto the partner for the childhood, but to make current requests better calibrated.
3
One specific request per week
'I want to feel more seen' is not a request. 'I would like you to ask me about my day for five minutes on Tuesday' is.
4
Requests, not ultimatums
The worksheet drafts a request. Ultimatums are a different tool, used sparingly and later. Confusing the two damages both.

Frequently asked questions

What if the partner refuses the request?+

The refusal is information. Some refusals are about the specific ask (workable — renegotiate). Some are about the underlying need (also information — worth attending to).

Isn't naming needs 'being needy'?+

Neediness is a pattern of unowned, escalating, and often indirect asks. Named needs, spoken directly, are the opposite of neediness — they are precision.

Is this worksheet free?+

Yes. Free printable PDF. Sign in to send as a secure client link.

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Open worksheet

Worksheet — Emotional Needs Worksheet — provided by TherapistAssist for clinical use. Not a substitute for assessment or treatment.