Relationships · Gottman
Love Maps Questionnaire
The internal map you hold of your partner's inner world — update it
The Gottman "Love Map" — the internal map you hold of your partner's inner world. Couples in trouble often stopped updating it years ago. Trade this back and forth; write your best guess for your partner, then compare.
Your partner's inner world — write your best guess
- Two people they'd call in a crisis
- Their biggest current stressor
- A dream they haven't told anyone
- Their favorite way to be comforted
- Something they're proud of this year
- A fear they don't say out loud
- A memory from childhood they think about often
- What they wish you'd ask them about
Compare answers — where you were furthest off
Knowing is the intimacy
Great sex, great fights, great repair — all downstream of knowing who they actually are, updated to the current version, not the one you married.