Relationships · EFT
EFT Negative Cycle Map
Pursue-withdraw, attack-attack — name the cycle, externalize the enemy
Emotionally Focused Therapy's core move: name the cycle you get stuck in. Usually pursue-withdraw or attack-attack. The cycle is the enemy — not each other.
Our cycle
My move
Partner sees
Partner's move
I see
Under my surface move — what am I actually feeling (fear, sadness, shame)
What I'm actually longing for from you
A name we can call the cycle when we're in it ('the dance', 'the vortex')
Name the cycle — externalize the enemy
'We're in the cycle again' unhooks you both faster than any content-level fix. The cycle is the third thing in the room — treat it like one.