Recovery · Family of Origin
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
Name the tactics, hold the cognitive dissonance, plan the next interaction
Narcissistic abuse follows a recognizable cycle — idealize, devalue, discard, hoover — and leaves recognizable damage: self-doubt, hypervigilance, lost sense of self, a brain that argues their case against you for free. Naming it is the first step out of the fog.
The relationship I'm writing about
Parent, partner, ex, sibling, boss, friend. Use initials only.
Tactics I've experienced
Check what fits — name a specific example of each.
☐ Gaslighting — being told my memory or perception is wrong
☐ Love-bombing followed by withdrawal
☐ Silent treatment / stonewalling as punishment
☐ Triangulation — bringing in a third person to compare or threaten
☐ DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender)
☐ Future-faking — promises that never arrive
☐ Public charm, private contempt
What I gave up
Friendships, hobbies, opinions, money, time, parts of who I was.
What I'm taking back
Cognitive dissonance — both can be true
The good moments I remember
The harm that also happened
How much I still doubt my own version of events (0–10)
nonemost
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
No-contact / low-contact / grey-rock plan — what does my next interaction look like?
The people on my side I will tell when the hoover comes