Recovery · Narcissistic Abuse
Love Bombing Cycle Worksheet
Idealise, devalue, discard — at the client's own pace
Love bombing is intensity used as a shortcut past the pace at which trust normally builds. It feels like being finally seen. This page looks at the speed rather than the content, because the content is usually accurate about what the client wanted to hear.
The early phase
What arrived faster than felt normal — attention, promises, plans, declarations
What I was told about us that I had no way of checking yet
What I set aside to keep the pace — friends, routines, my own read on things
The turn
When the warmth first became conditional, and on what
What I started doing to earn back the early version
Devaluation and discard
- Criticism replaced admiration, often about the same trait
- Withdrawal used as a consequence
- Comparison with someone else, explicitly or by implication
- Warmth returning briefly whenever I moved to leave
What I will look for next time
The pace I actually want when trust builds well
Three things I will not set aside for anyone
Not a warning about intensity
Plenty of healthy relationships start warmly. The signal is warmth that requires something in exchange and switches off when it is not supplied.