Recovery · Narcissistic Abuse

No Contact Plan

Settled in advance, while the client is steady

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No contact fails on the details, not the decision. This page settles the channels, the predictable pressure points and the twenty minutes after a message arrives — in advance, while the client is steady.

What no contact means for me

Calls and messages — blocked, or received and unread
Social accounts — blocked, muted, or checked never
Mutual contacts — no updates asked for, none accepted
Shared spaces and events — which ones I will not attend
Anything that legitimately has to continue (and only that)

Pressure points I can predict

Predictable moment

What usually arrives

What I will do instead

Who I will tell

The first twenty minutes

If something arrives, my first move — before deciding anything

The person I contact instead of replying

The sentence I read back to myself

What I am protecting

What is better in my week since contact reduced

What breaking it has cost me before

How workable this plan feels (0-10)

none

most

Lapses are data

A resumed contact is information about which pressure point was underestimated, not evidence the plan was wrong. Revise the row and continue.

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About this worksheet

No contact fails on the details rather than the decision. Clients commit to it clearly in session and then meet a birthday, a shared event, a message from a mutual contact, or a two-line apology at eleven at night, with nothing prepared. This worksheet settles the details while the client is steady. First, what no contact actually means for them, channel by channel: calls and messages blocked or received and unread, social accounts blocked or muted, mutual contacts giving no updates and receiving none, which shared spaces will not be attended, and what legitimately has to continue. Then five predictable pressure points, each with what usually arrives, what the client will do instead, and who they will tell. Then the first twenty minutes: the move before deciding anything, the person contacted instead of replying, and the sentence read back to themselves. The page closes on what is being protected — what is better since contact reduced, what breaking it has cost before, and a workability rating. Lapses are framed as data about an underestimated pressure point, not evidence the plan was wrong, because clients who treat a lapse as failure usually abandon the whole plan.

When to use it

Immediately after a separation or a decision to go no contact.
After a lapse in contact, to revise rather than restart the plan.
Family estrangement, including adult children stepping back from a parent.
Alongside the Trauma Bonding worksheet, which explains the pull the plan has to withstand.
Where contact cannot be closed, use the Grey Rock Method Plan instead of this page.

How to use it

1
Define it channel by channel
Vague no contact collapses. Name each channel and the exact decision for it.
2
Keep only necessary contact
Legal, co-parenting, or caregiving contact stays — and only within the subjects that require it.
3
Predict five pressure points
Anniversaries, family events, illness news, holidays, late-night messages. Plan each before it arrives.
4
Script the first twenty minutes
One action, one person to contact, one sentence to read. No decisions made inside that window.
5
Write down what is better
The client will need this in their own handwriting when the pull peaks.
6
Treat lapses as data
Revise the row that failed, keep the plan, and note what the lapse revealed.

Frequently asked questions

What is a no contact plan?+

A written plan defining exactly which channels of contact close, which stay open and why, what happens at predictable pressure points, and what the client does in the first twenty minutes after contact arrives.

How long should no contact last?+

That is the client's decision, not a prescription. The useful clinical question is what they are protecting and whether the current arrangement delivers it, reviewed rather than fixed at the outset.

Is no contact possible with shared children?+

Usually not fully. Keep the logistics channel and manage it with the Grey Rock Method Plan; apply no contact to every other channel.

What if the client breaks no contact?+

Treat it as information about which pressure point was underestimated. Revise that row of the plan. Framing a lapse as failure is what usually ends the plan altogether.

Should family and friends be told?+

Told what they need to keep the plan workable — that updates will not be passed on in either direction. Convincing everyone of the account is a separate, often unachievable, aim.