Recovery · Narcissistic Abuse
Triangulation Map
Who carries the messages, who never hears my account
Triangulation moves the conflict through other people so it never has to be settled directly. This page maps the roles rather than the personalities — who carries messages, who is invoked as a witness, who is kept from hearing the client's account.
The roles around the relationship
Role (relative, friend, colleague)
What they are used for
What they believe about me
Contact I want with them
How it operates
- Messages passed through a third person instead of said to me
- My account reaching others only after it has been retold
- People invoked as proof of what is normal or reasonable
- Being told what others supposedly said about me, unverifiably
- Pressure arriving from people who were not present
What I decide
Who I will speak to directly, and about what
What I will not defend or re-litigate with anyone else
The relationships worth keeping even if my account is not accepted
Expect losses
Some people will not revise their view. Grieving that is part of the work; converting everyone is not a realistic aim and chasing it keeps the client in contact.