Relationships · Couples

Infidelity Recovery Worksheet

Structure the first phase after disclosure so the couple can keep talking

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For couples work after a disclosed affair. Not a decision worksheet — a structure for the first phase, where the injured partner needs the story, the involved partner needs to hold it without collapse, and both need daily agreements to make the room safe enough to keep talking.

Where we are: pre-disclosure, fresh disclosure, weeks in, or months in

Injured partner: what I still need to know to feel I have the story

Involved partner: what I'm still avoiding saying, and what makes it hard

Triggers this week (dates, places, phone patterns, silences) and what helped

Injured partner: what I need from my partner today (a specific behavior, not a feeling)

Involved partner: what full transparency looks like this week (phone, location, contact)

Agreement about outside contact with the affair partner

Our week's structured check-in: one appointment, agenda, time limit, exit signal

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Option Two

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About this worksheet

For couples in the first phase after a disclosed affair — usually the first three to six months, when the injured partner needs the story to feel they have the story, the involved partner needs to hold the disclosure without collapse, and both need weekly agreements to make the room safe enough to keep talking. Not a decision worksheet (stay/leave) and not a healing worksheet (that comes later) — a structure for the specific work of Phase One: what's still needed to hear, what's still avoided saying, this week's triggers (dates, places, phone patterns, silences) and what helped, what the injured partner needs today as a specific behavior not a feeling, what full transparency looks like this week for the involved partner, agreement about outside contact with the affair partner, and a structured weekly check-in with agenda, time limit, and exit signal.

When to use it

The first months after affair discovery, before the couple is stable enough for deeper reconstruction.
As between-session structure alongside affair-recovery couples work (Gottman ATTUNE, EFT, or Glass model).
When either partner is oscillating between rage/collapse and 'we're fine' — the sheet steadies the pacing.
As a transparency instrument in ongoing recovery, not as a substitute for therapy.

How to use it

1
Confirm this is a couple already in couples therapy
Phase One work without a therapist regularly present can destabilize both partners. This sheet assumes a container.
2
Both partners complete their fields
Not merged, not the injured partner alone. The involved partner's 'what I'm still avoiding saying' field is often the movement material.
3
Bounded weekly check-in
Agenda, time limit, exit signal. Unstructured 'we need to talk' conversations at this phase almost always spiral.
4
Concrete behavior, not feelings, for requests
'Text me when you leave the office' is workable; 'make me feel safe' isn't. The specificity is the intervention.

Frequently asked questions

Is this for the couple to fill in alone?+

Between-session, yes — but only if they're already in couples therapy. Post-affair work without professional support routinely goes off the rails in ways the worksheet can't hold.

How is this different from the Gottman Trust Revival Method?+

Complementary, not competing. Gottman's ATTUNE framework structures the whole recovery; this sheet is a week-by-week working instrument for Phase One inside that structure or others (EFT, Glass model).

What about ambiguous or micro-cheating?+

The frame still applies — the specific transparency, contact, and check-in agreements just look different. The sheet is content-neutral about what counts as the affair.

Is this worksheet free?+

Yes. Free printable PDF. Sign in to TherapistAssist to send as a secure client link.