Attachment Wounds Worksheet

Guide for clinicians: Attachment Wounds Worksheet

When to use it

Use it when a client keeps returning to a specific moment of being let down by someone they depended on — a parent who didn't come, a partner who left at a crucial time — and that moment still shapes how they see themselves or others. It suits individual work once there is enough trust to revisit the memory without flooding. If the wound involves abuse or neglect, assess safety and stability first, and consider whether trauma-focused work is needed rather than reflection alone.

How to introduce it to a client

"Some moments stay with us because they taught us something about ourselves or other people. This sheet looks at one of those moments — just a sentence or two, you don't need to go into every detail. We'll look at what you needed, what happened, what you concluded, and how that still shows up. Then you'll write something you'd say to the younger you."

Example

What to look for when it comes back

• The link between the old conclusion and current reactions. Clients often see this for the first time while filling in the sheet.
• The 'how true it feels' rating over time. A drop suggests the new sentence is starting to land.
• How the client speaks to their younger self. Harshness may point to self-criticism worth working on next.
• Signs of overwhelm. If the memory floods the client, pause and ground before continuing.

Pairs well with

• Attachment styles chart — Place the wound in a wider pattern
• Inner child letter — Continue the conversation with the younger self
• Self-compassion break — For when the old conclusion is loud

Clinician FAQ

What is an attachment wound?

An informal term for a moment when a person someone relied on was unavailable or hurtful at a time of need. Sue Johnson uses a related idea, 'attachment injury', in couples work.

Should clients write about the worst memory?

Not usually at first. Start with a moderate one so the client can practise the process safely.

Can this be used in couples therapy?

It is written for individual work. For an injury within the current relationship, EFT's attachment injury approach is more specific.