Attachment · Couples
Anxious-Avoidant Trap Worksheet
Pursuit reads as pressure; distance reads as abandonment
The anxious-avoidant pairing is a self-feeding loop: pursuit reads as pressure, distance reads as abandonment, and both partners get more of what they fear. The loop is the problem, not either person.
My move in the loop (pursue or withdraw), and what it looks like
What my partner does next
What I do next
Where it usually ends — blow-up, cold shoulder, false peace
What I am afraid of underneath my move
What I think they are afraid of underneath theirs
The earliest point either of us could step out of the loop
A shared phrase we could use to name the loop out loud