Al-Anon Detachment & the Three C's
I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it
Al-Anon's foundation for families and friends of alcoholics: I didn't cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it.Detachment isn't coldness or giving up — it's stepping out of the role of trying to manage another adult's drinking so you can have a life again.
Where do I still secretly believe I did?
What am I still trying to control — hiding bottles, monitoring, managing their reputation?
What outcome am I still waiting for before I let myself live?
Enabling — what I do that protects them from consequences
Making excuses, lying to bosses or kids, paying bills, cleaning up, taking on their responsibilities.
Detaching with love — what I'll do instead
Step back from the consequence, not from the person.
Keep the focus on me
What have I stopped doing because their drinking takes up the room? Friendships, sleep, hobbies, meetings, my own health.