Trauma · Assessment
Inner Child Needs Checklist
Ten needs, ticked or missing
A checklist of what a child needs in order to grow up able to feel, need and rest. Tick what was reliably available, and read the gaps as the agenda for repair.
Reliably available in my childhood
- Someone noticed when I was upset
- I was comforted rather than corrected
- My feelings counted as real information
- I could need something without earning it
- Someone was glad I existed, not just pleased with what I did
- Mistakes did not threaten the relationship
- I was allowed to disagree
- Someone helped me make sense of confusing things
- I could rest without justifying it
- I was protected when something was unsafe
The gaps
The three items I could not tick
How each gap shows up in my adult life
Which one I want to start giving myself, and the smallest version of it
Not an accusation
Unticked items describe what was missing, not a verdict on anyone. Most caregivers were repeating what was missing for them. The clinical use of the list is the repair agenda, not the blame.