Attachment · Avoidant
Avoidant Deactivating Strategies Worksheet
Fault-finding, phantom ex, one foot out, unavailable targets
Deactivating strategies are the small moves that turn attachment feelings down: focusing on flaws, keeping an exit in mind, staying with someone unavailable, remembering an ex as better. Naming them is most of the work.
Fault-finding
Cataloguing what is wrong with them right when things get close.
Phantom ex
A remembered partner who was somehow better, held next to the real one.
One foot out
Keeping an exit plan, staying vague about the future.
Unavailable targets
Choosing people who cannot fully show up, so closeness stays theoretical.
Which of these I use, and when they show up
What was happening in the relationship just before it kicked in
What the strategy protects me from feeling
What it costs the relationship
What I could do instead for ten minutes