Relationships · Communication
Gottman Repair Checklist
The phrases that keep a fight from becoming the fight
From Gottman: in a fight, repair attempts predict whether the relationship survives — not the absence of conflict. Circle the phrases that already sound like you. Practice two new ones this week.
I feel
- I'm getting flooded.
- I'm scared.
- I feel blamed. Can you rephrase that?
- That hurt my feelings.
- I feel unappreciated.
Sorry / Forgive
- I'm sorry. Let me try again.
- I overreacted. I apologize.
- Can I take that back?
- Let me start over.
- Can you forgive me?
Get to yes
- You're starting to convince me.
- I agree with part of what you're saying.
- Let's compromise here.
- What are we really fighting about?
- Yes.
Stop action
- I need to calm down.
- Let's take a break.
- Please can we stop for a moment?
- Hold on. Slow down.
- Let's agree to disagree.
I appreciate
- I know this isn't your fault.
- I see your point.
- Thank you for…
- One thing I love about you is…
- We're getting off track.
Two phrases I'll practice this week
A repair my partner uses that lands for me