Self-Compassion: How to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
Length: 1 minute 26 seconds
Critic → coach
The harsh voice in your head learned its job a long time ago. Pick the line it repeats most — and practice a different way to say the same thing.
4 minute practice Plain-language guide
Watch · 2 min
How to deal with your inner critic: an IFS approach
For your client · send between sessions
Videos to share with clients
Practice 01
1 · Pick the line you know best
Tap a line above to see what's underneath it.
4 · Try it with your own line
What does your critic actually say? Write the exact words below, then run it through the three questions.
What you type stays on this page only — nothing is saved or sent anywhere.
Where the voice came from
Critics are usually borrowed — a parent's tone, a teacher's phrase, a culture's scoreboard. It feels like truth partly because it's familiar. Noticing whose voice it originally was is often the first crack of distance.Distance, not debate
Try "a part of me says I'm a failure" instead of "I am a failure." That one phrase creates a gap between you and the voice — and the gap is where choice lives. Fighting the critic head-on usually just gives it another round. Good to know
The goal is not to replace every hard thought with praise. A believable, accurate coaching voice is often more helpful than either shame or forced positivity.
If this does not help
Write a neutral fact, then one next step. If the critic becomes louder when challenged, acknowledge its protective fear before reframing.
Talk about this in therapy
- What is the critic trying to prevent?
- What would accountability without humiliation sound like?
Safety
This is education, not a diagnosis or a substitute for care. Stop if the exercise makes you feel less safe or more overwhelmed. If you may act on thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, contact local emergency services or a crisis service now; in the U.S. and Canada, call or text 988.
Sources and limits+
Reviewed for clarity and updated October 2026. This page offers general education and cannot assess your individual situation.
- American Psychological Association: self-compassion and emotion regulation
- National Center for PTSD: coping with trauma reminders
Nothing you tap here is saved or sent anywhere. This page is free to use and share — therapists often send it to clients between sessions.