Relationships · Communication
Mental Load & Chores Equity
Notice, Decide, Do, Remember — the invisible labor split
Chores can be split 50/50 while one partner still holds all the "who needs what, when, and reminded" — the mental load. This map surfaces both the visible and invisible labor.
Categorize each task: NOTICE (knowing it needs doing) · DECIDE (planning) · DO (executing) · REMEMBER (following up)
Task/domain
Notice
Decide
Do
Remember
Ex: groceries, doctor appts, birthdays/gifts, school forms, home repairs, pet care, family calls.
Where the mental load is most unequal
One domain to fully hand over (all 4 columns) this quarter
Delegation isn't help
'Just tell me what to do' is still asking your partner to hold the noticing. Full ownership means the other person doesn't have to remember it exists.