The Four Horsemen
An honest after-the-fact check. Not to feel bad — to notice the pattern, and try the antidote next time.
In the last hard moment — which showed up in you?
Pick honestly. This isn't a verdict; it's a doorway. Tap any that fit.
Where it comes from
John & Julie Gottman studied thousands of couples over decades. These four patterns — especially contempt — predict relationship breakdown more reliably than almost anything else. The good news: each one has a well-tested antidote.How to use it
After a hard conversation, not during. Look back honestly. Spotting your own move — not your partner's — is what changes things. If you do it together, both of you do it about yourself.Nothing you tap here is saved or sent anywhere. This page is free to use and share — therapists often send it to clients between sessions.