Recovery · Recovery
Step 8 & 9 Amends Worksheet
Make the list, sort the type, and plan the conversation without re-injuring anyone
About this worksheet
Step 8 is 'made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.' Step 9 is 'made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.' This worksheet handles both. It opens with the broad list — the brainstorm of everyone harmed, drawn forward from the Step 4 harms column — then sorts each amend by type: direct (face-to-face, name it, repair it), living (the lasting change in behavior that proves the words), delayed (the right amend at the wrong time), or not safe (where direct contact would injure the other person or someone else). Each row includes a planning column and a sponsor-review check, because the AA tradition is strong that amends should be run past someone else before being made — the writer's judgment about what counts as 'injuring them' is often the part most clouded by guilt. The worksheet closes with a living-amends section: the lasting behavior change that proves the apology was real. Most sponsors will tell you the living amend is the actual amend; the words are just the start.
When to use it
- Step 8 / 9 work in 12-step recovery, after Step 4 inventory and Step 5 sharing are complete.
- Repair work in family or couples therapy where words alone haven't been enough.
- Clients moving from insight into action — the bridge from understanding the harm to addressing it.
- Avoid making direct amends to people who would be harmed by hearing it — this is what the 'not safe' column is for.
How to use it
- 1Start with the list
Brainstorm everyone harmed, from Step 4's harms column outward. Don't sort yet.
- 2Sort by type
Direct, living, delayed, not safe. The sorting itself is most of the work.
- 3Plan each direct amend
When, where, how. Specific words. Anticipate the response, including 'I don't accept this.'
- 4Run it past a sponsor
Before any direct amend. The writer's judgment about harm is often clouded by guilt.
- 5Make the living amends explicit
What lasting behavior change proves the apology? That's the part the other person actually feels.
- 6Revisit quarterly
Amends work is rarely complete in one pass. New names surface as recovery deepens.
Frequently asked questions
What is the difference between Step 8 and Step 9?+
Step 8 is making the list and becoming willing. Step 9 is actually making the amends. The Big Book treats them as a pair because the willingness is what bridges insight (Step 4) and action (Step 9), but they're sequential — willingness first, action second.
What is a living amends?+
A lasting change in behavior that proves the apology was real — sustained sobriety, showing up consistently as a parent, paying back money over time. Often the most meaningful amend, especially with people for whom words have stopped meaning much. Some amends are mostly living amends; direct words are only the opening.
What if making an amends would hurt the other person?+
That's exactly what the 'except when to do so would injure them or others' clause is for. If the amend would re-traumatize a victim, reveal a long-buried affair to a spouse who doesn't know, or otherwise cause harm, the amend takes a different form — usually a living amend or a delayed amend made later through a different path. Always run these through a sponsor or therapist.
What if the person won't accept the amends?+
Make the amends anyway. The point of Step 9 is the writer's side of the street, not the other person's response. The other person owes nothing — not forgiveness, not acknowledgment, not even a reply. The amend is complete when honestly offered.
Should I make amends for things the other person doesn't know about?+
Usually yes, with thought. Coming clean about something the other person doesn't know — an undisclosed affair, money taken — is part of the integrity work. The exception is when the disclosure would harm the other person more than help them; in that case, the amend takes a different form, decided with a sponsor or therapist.
Related worksheets
Worksheet — Step 8 & 9 Amends Worksheet — provided by TherapistAssist for clinical use. Not a substitute for assessment or treatment.