Family · Conflict
Family Conflict Resolution Worksheet
Four steps from surface fight to real repair
Family conflict rarely resolves through winning. It resolves through slowing down, naming the pattern, and repairing what got broken along the way. This sheet walks one conflict through a four-step frame.
Step 1 — Name the surface issue
What we're fighting about on the surface
Step 2 — Name the pattern underneath
Pursue-withdraw · criticism-defensiveness · triangulation · one voice, one silence · same fight in different clothes.
Step 3 — Each person's underlying need
Person
Surface complaint
Underlying need
Step 4 — Repair moves
- Take a real break if flooded (20+ minutes, not 5)
- Name your own part first
- Acknowledge the other's underlying need out loud
- Ask for one specific thing, not a general apology
- Circle back within 24 hours
One agreement about how we'll fight better next time
Repair, not resolution
Not every family conflict needs a solution. Most need a felt repair — proof that the relationship is bigger than the fight.