Family · Parenting
Emotion Coaching for Parents Worksheet
Gottman's five steps for raising emotionally regulated kids
John Gottman's emotion-coaching research: the parents whose kids grow up emotionally regulated aren't the ones who never see big feelings — they're the ones who use big feelings as connection opportunities. Five steps, in order.
The five steps
1. Notice the child's emotion (especially the small ones).
2. See it as connection, not inconvenience.
3. Listen and validate — reflect the feeling before fixing.
4. Name the feeling with them — "It sounds like you felt left out."
5. Set limits and problem-solve — feelings all okay, behaviors not all okay.
The four less-helpful styles I want to catch
- Dismissing — 'you're fine, it's not a big deal'
- Disapproving — punishing the emotion itself
- Laissez-faire — accepting the feeling but no limits on behavior
- Fixing — jumping to solutions before feeling was heard
Rehearsal
Recent moment
What I did
Emotion-coaching rewrite
One phrase I'll practice this week
Feelings all okay, behaviors not all okay
This is the whole sentence. You can be furious AND you can't hit your sister. Both true, both said.