Relationships · Psychoeducation
Boundaries — A Plain Guide
What boundaries are, what they aren't, and the six kinds
About this worksheet
Most people use the word 'boundary' to mean 'a rule the other person has to follow.' That's a wish, not a boundary, and it's why so many attempts to set them fail. A boundary is a statement of what you will and won't do — enforceable by you alone, regardless of the other person's response. 'Don't yell at me' is a wish. 'If you raise your voice, I'll end the conversation' is a boundary, because the second half is yours to enforce. This worksheet is the psychoeducation that has to come before the Boundary Builder. It defines the six standard categories (physical, emotional, time, material, intellectual, sexual), pairs each with a recognizable example and a common violation, and lays out the clearest 'is/isn't' list we've found — what boundaries are NOT (ultimatums, control, punishments, walls) and what they ARE (about your behavior, enforceable by you, an act of respect for the relationship). Use it as a one-page handout in early relational work, then move to the Boundary Builder once the concept lands.
When to use it
- Early in couples, family, or codependency-flavored work.
- Post-burnout, after a client has agreed to too much for too long.
- With clients whose attempts to set boundaries keep failing because the boundaries are actually demands.
- Family-of-origin work, recovery contexts, and any client building post-separation life.
How to use it
- 1Define the term
Read the 'are / are not' columns together. Most of the work happens here — the felt sense of the distinction is the intervention.
- 2Walk the six kinds
Read each category and example. Ask which one is hardest for the client right now. That's the starting point.
- 3Find one to name
Use the bottom prompt. Which kind, with whom, and what will the client do (not what they're demanding the other person do).
- 4Anticipate the guilt
Naming a boundary usually surfaces guilt — that's expected, not a sign the boundary is wrong. Make space for it.
- 5Bridge to the Builder
Once the concept is clear, move to the Boundary Builder worksheet to draft the actual sentence.
Frequently asked questions
What is a boundary in therapy?+
A statement of what you will and won't do in a given context, enforceable by you alone. Not a demand on someone else's behavior. 'If X happens, I'll do Y' — where Y is something within your control.
What's the difference between a boundary and a wall?+
A boundary has a door. It's contextual, flexible, and the relationship can still happen across it. A wall is total — no contact, no negotiation. Walls are sometimes necessary (especially after harm), but they're not the same thing as boundaries.
Are there different types of boundaries?+
Yes — most frameworks list six: physical, emotional, time, material, intellectual, and sexual. Each has its own kinds of healthy expression and characteristic violations.
Why does setting a boundary feel so guilty?+
Because most people who need boundaries have spent years over-giving — that's the pattern that produced the need. Setting a boundary breaks an implicit contract the other person was used to. Guilt is the residue of the old contract, not a sign the new one is wrong.
Related worksheets
Worksheet — Boundaries — A Plain Guide — provided by TherapistAssist for clinical use. Not a substitute for assessment or treatment.