Family · Parenting
Teen-Parent Communication Worksheet
Door-opening moves vs door-closing moves
Teenagers are supposed to individuate — the job description includes some door-slamming. Communication with a teen is less about "getting them to talk" and more about being the safe, available, non-lecturing adult they choose to come back to.
What I'm actually up against right now
What I want more of (from them)
What they'd say they want more / less of from me (be honest)
Conversation moves that open the door
- Side-by-side beats face-to-face (car, walk, dishes)
- Curiosity beats interrogation ('tell me more' vs 'why did you…?')
- Reflect first, advise last (or not at all)
- Ask permission before advising: 'want my take or just to vent?'
- Stay in the room even when the topic is uncomfortable
Moves that close the door
- Lecturing at the first opening
- Making the moment about my anxiety
- Snap consequences delivered while flooded
- Comparing them to a sibling or myself at their age
- Reading their phone / journal without cause
One recent conversation I'd do differently — and how
Availability is the strategy
You cannot force a teen to open up. You can be so consistently, non-reactively available that when they need someone, you're the door that opens.