Sex Therapy · Life-Stage
Sex After Kids — Logistics
Most 'desire' problems here are logistics problems
Most sex-life problems after kids are not desire problems — they're logistics problems dressed up as desire problems. Small people who wake up. A door that doesn't lock. A partner who is touched-out by 8pm. Fix the logistics and desire has room to return. Don't fix them, and nothing else you try will land.
The logistics audit
- A door that locks (bedroom, bathroom, anywhere)
- A time of day when both partners have any energy at all
- White noise / sound cover so you're not listening for footsteps
- A signal for 'kids are actually asleep' vs 'I hope kids are asleep'
- A plan for the interrupted-mid-sex reality — laugh, resume, or reschedule
The touch budget
Roughly how many small humans are on you physically per day, and for how long
What non-sexual touch you actually want from a partner right now — and what you don't
Scheduled vs spontaneous
How you both currently feel about scheduling sex
Scheduling is not unromantic — it's how adults with responsibilities have sex
Spontaneous sex requires spontaneous energy. Parents with young children rarely have spontaneous energy. Scheduling a window (or several) protects the possibility. What happens in that window is still allowed to be spontaneous.
One logistics change to make this month
The one change most likely to move the needle