OCD · Subtype

Relationship OCD (ROCD) Worksheet

Chronic doubt about the relationship — and the checking that follows

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ROCD is chronic, distressing doubt about a relationship — "do I really love them?", "are they the one?", "am I attracted enough?" — and the compulsive checking that follows. Not to be confused with a real values mismatch. The tell is the loop, not the doubt.

My doubts

Do I really love my partner?
Am I attracted enough?
Is there someone better?
Is my partner ‘the one’?
Am I in this for the wrong reasons?
Do they love me back enough?

My compulsions

Checking my feelings ('do I feel love right now?')
Comparing my partner to others / exes
Testing attraction (looking at strangers, thinking about exes)
Seeking reassurance from friends / therapist / online
Mentally reviewing early relationship 'proof'
Avoiding closeness to stop the doubt

What I'd want the relationship to look like without OCD

One compulsion I'll drop this week

You cannot think your way to certainty

No feeling is stable enough to prove love. The way out is not more checking — it is committing to the person and the values-based actions while the doubt sits in the passenger seat.

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About this worksheet

Relationship OCD (ROCD) is chronic, distressing doubt about a romantic relationship — 'do I really love them?', 'are they the one?', 'am I attracted enough?' — combined with the compulsive checking that follows: monitoring feelings in real time, comparing the partner to others, testing attraction by looking at strangers, mental review of early relationship 'proof,' and reassurance-seeking from friends or therapy. Distinguished from a genuine values mismatch by the loop: ROCD doubt does not resolve with any answer, follows the person across partners, and is accompanied by compulsions. This worksheet names the doubts, catalogs the compulsions, and shifts the treatment target from 'am I sure' to 'am I willing to commit to the values-based action while the doubt sits in the passenger seat.' Draws on the Doron / Derby / Szepsenwol ROCD framework and standard ERP for OCD. It is not a couples-therapy worksheet — the intervention is with the person with OCD, though partner psychoeducation is usually helpful. Requires screening for actual relationship problems (abuse, incompatibility, deceit) before framing symptoms as ROCD.

When to use it

Clients with recurrent, distressing relationship doubt that persists across partners.
Clients who report loving their partner but cannot stop checking their feelings.
Partner-focused ROCD — obsessive doubt about the partner's traits, appearance, or intelligence.
Not for use where the doubt reflects real incompatibility, abuse, or values mismatch — assess first.

How to use it

1
Screen for real relationship problems first
ROCD is a diagnosis of exclusion. If the doubt tracks real issues (abuse, incompatibility, deceit), the doubt is information, not OCD.
2
Catalogue doubts and compulsions
Name the recurring doubts and the checking, comparing, testing, and reassurance-seeking that follow.
3
Describe values-based relationship
What would the client want the relationship to look like if OCD were quiet? This becomes the direction, not the certainty target.
4
Drop one compulsion this week
Skip a comparison. Do not check the feeling. Do not ask the friend. Move toward the partner instead.
5
Rehearse living with the doubt
The goal is not certainty. It is committing to the person while the doubt sits in the passenger seat — sometimes loud, always survivable.

Frequently asked questions

What is ROCD?+

Relationship OCD — a subtype in which the obsessions center on relationship-focused doubts ('do I love them?') or partner-focused doubts ('are they the right one for me?'), driving compulsive checking, comparing, and reassurance-seeking.

How do I know if it's ROCD or a real relationship problem?+

Real problems have specific, coherent content, respond to information or change, and reduce when addressed. ROCD doubts are recurrent, generic, unresolvable, follow the person across relationships, and produce compulsions. Screen for abuse, incompatibility, and deceit first.

Will treatment force me to stay with my partner?+

No. Treatment restores the ability to make a values-based choice. Once the compulsive checking is quiet, whatever the client decides about the relationship is genuine — not OCD-driven.

What does ERP look like for ROCD?+

Deliberately not checking the feeling, not comparing, not seeking reassurance, and moving toward the partner (physical closeness, planning together) while the doubt is present. The distress rises and falls without the ritual.

Is this worksheet free?+

Yes. Free printable PDF. Sign in to send as a secure client link.