Eating · Family & Support
ED Support Person — What To Say & Not Say
The do's, don'ts, and specific phrases that actually help
Support people almost always want to help and almost always don't know how. This one-page script — written for the person supporting a client — collects the do's, don'ts, and specific phrases that programs have found actually work at the table and after.
Please DO say
- 'I'm glad you're here.' Meals with company are a value, not a monitoring event.
- 'You don't have to talk about the food.' Change the subject, actively.
- 'I love you. I'm not going to negotiate with the ED right now.'
- 'Would it help if I sat with you for the next 45 minutes?'
- 'This is hard. You are doing hard things.'
Please DON'T say
- 'You look healthy / better / thinner.' Any body comment lands as data.
- 'Just eat it.' It's never 'just.'
- 'I couldn't tell you had a problem.' Minimizes and shames.
- 'You already ate a lot today.' Never quantify their intake.
- 'I need to lose weight too.' Diet talk in front of an ED is not neutral.
- 'Are you sure you should eat that?' Even in concern, it feeds the rules.
Signals to watch for after a meal (bathroom, isolation, disappearing)
Agreed plan if I notice a behavior — who I contact, what I say
How I take care of myself while supporting someone in recovery
You are not the therapist — you are the person
Your job is presence, warmth, and not negotiating with the illness. The clinical work belongs to the team. What you bring is the reason recovery is worth doing.